The Super Happy Best Shuuichi Christmas Present!
by Yosuke
Summary: Shuuichi reeeeeally wants to give Eiri a present for Christmas, but because Eiri's such a JERK, he won't take it. What's a boy to do? Shounen-ai, rated for naughty humor and slight sexual content.


The Super Happy Best Shuuichi Christmas Present Ever!

Yosuke

PG-13

Romance/Comedy

AN: It's one of those rare times where I've actually decided on an ending before I've figured out the plot. This will definately be short, so sorry if that's disappointing to you guys. I'm desperate to finish another fanfic soon, so this idea will be a sacrfice to the greater cause, or something like that. N-Joy.

WARNING! This story contains a tiny bit of mature themes, but I'm daring to label it PG13. Just to warn you...

Random quote: "Good! 'Cause only those who believe will be saved, so they say! Get it?? Hahahahahaha!"

Viva la Sister Rosette Christopher. (Oh, wait... she can't.)

* * *

**DECEMBER 21. 10:30 PM.**

"No."

"C'mon!"

"No!"

"C'moooooooon!"

"NO!"

"Pleeeeeeease?"

"N.O."

"YUUUUUUUKI, I LOOOOOOOOVE YOOOOOOOOOU!!!"

"GET OFF MY LAP, YOU QUEER!!!"

Shuuichi met the floor harshly, whining and crying fake tears. "Yuki, you jerk! I just wanna give you a present!"

"Last time you said that, it hurt to piss for a week!" Eiri Yuki spun in his chair to face his laptop again, breathing once into his hands to warm them from the chilled air and returning to his current manuscript. The heater in the apartment complex had broken, making it hard for Eiri to concentrate properly on his work... well, THAT and the stupid, sobbing pink-haired boy currenlty splayed at his feet like a puppy.

"Why won't you accept my love??"

"I'll accept it when you give it to me. However, I'll throw all your insanity right back in your face for YOU to choke on, now GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!"

A moment later, Shuuichi had been drop-kicked out into the hallway, where he remained well into the night, crying like a small child who just wanted some damn candy. And you'd think, after that much crying, a parent ought to either just give the kid some candy or spank them _really, really hard._ Eiri was definately leaning towards option B.

**DECEMBER 21. 11:30 PM.**

Eiri completed option B.

**DECEMBER 22. 11:04 AM.**

Again, Bad Luck was on TV. Channel flip. Nittle Grasper in concert. Channel flip. An ASK music video. Channel flip. An interview with Eiri Yuki. Power off.

What Eiri would've given for a remote to Shuuichi.

From where the novelist sat on the couch, Shuuichi lay with his head buried under two pillows to avoid any more damage than his head had already been given from the night before. Out from under the pillows jutted two thin arms, the hands clutching a small package wrapped in pretty wrapping paper and topped with a sloppy bow.

"Please accept my love," Shuuichi mumbled from under the mass of cotton. Eiri didn't even glimpse at him. Instead, he took the cigarette from between his lips and dug the burning end into Shuuichi's thumb. "Ow." Shuuichi slowly slithered his arms back under the pillow and remained huddled in there until Eiri left the apartment for some appointment.

**DECEMBER 22. 2:43 PM.**

"Listen, Shuuichi," Eiri said, his voice cracking under the attempt to sound sweet. He placed his beer can on the counter and looked down at the boy who sat on his feet, arms and legs wrapped tightly around Eiri's legs. Hopeful violet eyes looked up.

"Yes?"

"If you can go convince the landlord to fix the heater now, I'll accept your present. Okay?" He smiled his fake, suave smile he gave to all the ladies he intended to bed. A moment later, he cringed in pain as his legs crippled under the strength of Shuuichi's muscles, er... love. Sailing to his feet and rushing with Super Saiyan-like powers to the door, he flew out to find this evil landlord and end his wrongdoings. Eiri sipped his beer again, ignoring the massive pain in his legs and limping to his room where he could lay down in peace under many layers of blankets.

Ten minutes later, the door to his bedroom burst open, spilling beams of glorious light into the dark room. A slim shadow stood on the threshold, looking rather inviting to Eiri's squinting eyes. "Well?" Eiri asked, sitting up. His face turned nervous when Shuuichi stepped forward enough to show the bloodstains on his hands and clothes.

"Task completed, dearest!" From out of nowhere, he pulled out the small present again and shoved it towards his boyfriend. "Now you'll take my gift, right??"

"Uhh... where's the landlord now?"

"Oh, who cares?" Shuuichi laughed nervously. "Really, what's the difference between his bedroom and a ditch by the liquor store?"

The novelist shivered.

**DECEMBER 22. 5:56 PM.**

"But you said you'd take it if I talked to the landlord!"

"Yeah, well I lie a lot. You should know that by now." Eiri fished through his pockets for his keys. Shivering from the cold air of the outside, he took a chance and opened his coat to search his shirt pocket. In front of him, Shuuichi cried.

"But... but... but you said..."

"Do you have my keys?"

The singer huffed. "Maaaaybe."

"Give 'em."

"No."

"Now."

"No."

"I will hurt you, kid."

"I dare you." Bad move. The pink-haired boy suddenly looked a little nervous at Eiri's shadowing face, who all of a sudden towered over him a lot more than before. "Y-Yuki?" But before he could think, he had been spun around and pushed against the side of the car roughly. He cringed when his stomach hit hard, knocking the wind out of him. "Yukiiii! That hurt!"

"Told ya," the man said coldly as his gloved hands were suddenly touching Shuuichi in very... provacative ways. The boy blushed, unable to think.

"W-Wait... We're doing this _here_??"

"What do you think, brat?" His hands fished under the loose shirt which barely protected the boy from the cold. Actually, all he was in was a thin t-shirt and pajama bottoms. Eiri leaned closer, pressing himself to Shuuichi's back and murmuring in his ear. "I told you, when you act stupid like that, it's really cute. Really turns me on..." When his hands ran slowly down his chest and flat stomach, going straight into his pants, Shuuichi's eyes shut.

_'O-Oh, my god, we're gonna do it in public!!! We can't do that.. or... we can and not get caught... It's scary but... that's making it such a turn-on!'_

Those chilly gloves slipped inside his underwear. Shuuichi felt his body light with fire from the inside... and then he heard the jingling of keys, and then he felt the cold pavement. His eyes shot open.

"W-What?"

Next thing he knew, the car next to him had started. Eiri leaned his head out the window. "Stop stashing my stuff in your underwear." And then he was off, leaving a baffled, cold, and half-hard Shuuichi to figure out how he was going to get back inside the apartment.

**DECEMBER 22. 9:01 PM.**

It had gotten twice as cold since the sun had gone down. Eiri shivered and dug his hands in his coat pockets after locking the car. After entering the complex, he walked slowly to his front door to find a very cold Shuuichi sitting on the doorstep, hugging his little present as if it had warmth to offer him. He had pulled his pants down just a little so that he could fold the extra length of the legs over his feet to protect them from the freezing cold ground. He was shivering violently. His eyes were closed, and Eiri almost thought him dead. Scoffing, he kicked the closest leg. "Hey. Get up. You're in my way."

Shuuichi slowly looked up. "I think my butt froze. I can't move."

"Yes, you can. See?" The novelist walked to one side of the boy and pushed him over with his foot. Shuuichi rolled to his side, laying still in the same position. All he heard was the keys go in the door, and then the door shut behind him.

Yes, Eiri was coldhearted...

But he couldn't bring himself to just leave the brat out there.

After a few minutes, he walked out and picked the shivering boy up and carried him inside. Making him promise not to bug him about the present anymore that night, he set up a bath for him and went to bed.

**DECEMBER 23. 10:00 AM.**

"Yuki, Christmas is getting closer!"

"Yeah?"

"So... I want my present to be the first you open!" Shuuichi adamantly shoved the wrapped box at Eiri's chest with big puppy dog eyes. "Please?"

Eiri growled, about ready to chew and swallow his cigarette. "I don't _do_ Christmas."

"What??" Shuuichi's arms dropped. "Don't do Christmas? How do you not do Christmas? It's, like... everywhere!"

"So are you, unfortunately," he sighed and breezed past the teenager to walk into the kitchen. Tiredly, he opened the fridge door to find... no beer. His eye twitched. "Brat, what did you do with my beer?"

Shuuichi walked over. "Huh? Nothing. I haven't been in the fridge all day... or yesterday, for that matter."

"Then where's my beer?" The blonde head turned to stare ice cold daggers at his lover, who in return gulped.

"H-Hey, don't start suspecting my underwear! It's not in there!" His expression, suddenly, turned sly. "Though... you _can_ check, if you want." He giggled, only to be met with a stalk of green onions in his face. Griping, he shook his head. "What the hell was that for?" Next a tomato. Again, he shook his head. "Stop that!" Next, a carton of milk.

"Oh, I found one," Eiri mumbled as he pulled out a forgotten been, lost in the back. "Seriously... I thought I had more than that." As he popped the lid, he suddenly recalled the night before and how he'd gotten up many times from bed, half-asleep, to go check on Shuuichi who still lay frozen on the couch. Then he'd get a beer to try and drink away his energy and lull him to sleep. He just ended up having to piss every five minutes.

Perhaps he could take a little pity on the boy...

"Okay, brat," he sighed, turning and leaning against the counter. Shuuichi looked up. "I'll take your stupid present."

You could almost see the puppy dog tail wag happily as Shuuichi's eyes lit up with happiness. "Oh, thank you, Yuki! You'll love it, I swear!" Overjoyed, he shoved the present at his lover, who took it tiredly, but before he took the opportunity to open it, he frowned.

"The hell?" He shook it. "This thing's empty! It's as light as paper!"

"No! There's something in it! You'll see! Open it!"

"Kid, you're joking, right?" The present was crammed back into Shuuichi's arms, who's puppy tail drooped.

"Wha??"

"I let you live here and you decide to play a joke like this on me? Ungrateful brat..." Pissed, Eiri stormed out of the kitchen, clutching his sacred beer, as it was currently his only friend. Back in the kitchen, Shuuichi fell to his knees, hugging the present, nearly crushing it under the force of his arms.

"You... You..." Tears brimmed. "YOU BASTARD!!!" He started screaming, crying comically, carrying on about the coldhearted nature of his dearly beloved, who sat on the couch, eyes skimming over his latest manuscript before Mizuki came to pick it up. He completely ignored his heartbroken boyfriend, who's focus of cursing moved from Eiri's mean nature to yes, he did have talent and his lyrics didn't suck. Eiri sipped his beer, eyebrows lifting in interest.

"Oops, found a typo..."

**DECEMBER 23. 6:33 PM.**

Shuuichi was pouting... again. They both sat at the dinner table, the first dinner they'd had together in a long time, and the boy wasn't even eating. He merely sat slumped in his chair, chin to the table, angry violet eyes staring at the silent older man. Eiri lifted his chopsticks to his mouth, eating a piece of fish he'd cut. Normally, he could ignore distractions like Shuuichi, but somehow... it just bothered him how intensely the boy was staring. That, and small holes were burning into his forehead. Fanning the smoke away, he sat back and sighed, exaspperated. "What do you want, brat??"

"You vill accept meh love..." Shuuichi muttered as best as he could with his chiin against the table. "And you vill like eet..."

"I _vill_ kill you if you don't shut up about that stupid gift. There was nothing in the box. Do you think I'm stupid or something?" The novelist dropped his chopsticks and picked up his tea, sipping slowly. It took a moment, but Eiri suddenly spat it back out, wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve. "You retard! What'd you do to the tea??"

"Oh, nothing," Shuuichi singsonged. "Only poisoned it." The spite was apparent in his eyes. Eiri's hands went to his throat, coughing.

"What?? You don't have poison!"

"On the contrary... I have much of it." A sly grin adorned his face, his eyes gleaming with mischief. "You will pay for your abuse... Starting with the tea!"

Eiri stood quickly, grabbing the glass and taking it to the sink, Slowly he poured it out to identify any discoloration that might lead to the answer as to what poison could possibly be...

His jaw dropped, then the glass did. He staggered back. "YOU PSYCHO! YOU SICK PERVERTED FREAK!"

"Something wrong, dearest?"

"YOU--YOU--"

"Well, we haven't had sex in so long so I figured you missed the taste!" Shuuichi laughed insanely, sitting back in his chair and watching Eiri's expression as it turned from shock... to murder.

"You. Outside. Now."

Shuuichi's hysterics turned to helplessness. "Huh?"

"Get out."

"B-But... it's freezing outside."

Shuuichi began to sense his boyfriend's power level rising... He could've sworm the floor cracked from beneath his feet. "_Out._" Eiri hissed. Shuuichi gulped and ran for the door before he was Spirit Bombed... except without the Spirit.

**DECEMBER 23. 8:27 PM.**

"Yuuuki! I'm cold!" came the tiny voice just outside his window. Eiri ignored it and continued to work.

**DECEMBER 23. 9:50 PM.**

"Yuuuki, I'm dying!"

**DECEMBER 24. 12:00 AM.**

"Y-Yuuuuk-k-ki... It's really cold..."

**DECEMBER 24. 3:29 PM.**

...Nothing. Eiri looked up from his computer, which he had promptly written about 11 more pages to his latest book on. Perhaps the boy was dead... Eiri shrugged and stood, walking to the front door and walking out. Surely enough, underneath the window to Eiri's office lay Shuuichi, curled up in the fetal position on his side, shivering violently. His eyes were closed, and if not for the constant trembling, Eiri really would've thought him dead. Slowly, he walked to the pink-haired boy and gently picked him up. He didn't stir. Vaguely, in the back of his mind, he began to worry. Did he need to take him to a hospital? Or would he be alright inside?

Feeling semi-guilty, he carried the boy in and laid him on the couch, grabbing the electric blanket and covering him with it. Making sure his feet were tucked under and that the blanket was set at a decent temperature, he began to walk away until he noticed that... Shuuichi didn't have the present. Odd... Eiri walked back outside for a moment and found the present sitting in the spot beside where Shuuichi had lain. The man's natural reaction would've been to leave the thing out there, but he'd never hear the end of it from his lover if he did such a thing, so he generously took the damn gift and carried it in, placing it beside Shuuichi's sleeping body.

His eyes drifted to a clock and he sighed. "Christmas Eve... He's probably getting pretty desperate." He considered for a moment opening the present just to shut Shuuichi up.

...But then, there would be no more fun in teasing him.

Yawning, he stretched his arms and took off for bed.

**DECEMBER 24. 2:00 PM.**

Shuuichi had just woken up, still shaking, fingers and feet numb. His nose hurt and his sinuses began to act up. Sniffling, he stood from the couch to find a tissue, but instead found his lover, who was hunched over a newspaper at the kitchen table, figuring out a wordsearch.

The boy didn't say anything, unaware of what words to greet his boyfriend after what had happened the night before. Deciding to stay silent, he grabbed a tissue and walked out of the room, taking his present and curling under the blanket again.

**DECEMBER 24. 7:00 PM.**

Eiri left for a meeting with Mizuki to give her the manuscript, leaving Shuuichi alone on Christmas Eve.

**DECEMBER 24. 11:56 PM.**

Eiri finally returned home, heaving off his heavy jacket and hanging it on a coat rack. The first thing he noticed was the silence in the room. His attention perked. Normally, Shuuichi had the TV on, blasting up concert music and singing along, or was in the kitchen humming a tune while making a nighttime snack.

But it was silent... and the lights were off.

The man's first impression was that Shuuichi had gone to sleep in Eiri's room, bathing in his own melodrama about his messed up love life. Eiri sighed. He supposed that if he _had_ to give Shuuichi a present, the least he could do was let him sleep in his bed tonight.

Trying to warm his hands, he walked upstairs and into his bedroom. Sure enough, Shuuichi sat huddled under the sheets, the cover draped over his shoulders and his arms wrapped possessively around the tiny gift he cherished so much. Sad violet eyes turned to the man walking in. He looked a little ashamed. "Yuki... I'm sorry about what I've done."

Eiri stopped, staring in suspicion at the other. "... Did you piss in my bed again?"

"No," Shuuichi said halfheartedly, curling up tighter and turning his head away. "I'm sorry I kept being such a bother... that I messed with the food, hid your keys from you, tampered with your car..."

"THAT'S why wiper fluid shot out from the vents!" Eiri slapped his forehead, his anger quickly rising again.

"I'm really sorry, Yuki... I just wanted you to accept my present... I wanted this to be right. I wanted you to take my present before you took anyone else's..." His head fell a little. "Sorry." The gift dropped from his grasp, falling to the floor, landing with a few light taps. Eiri stared at it, then at Shuuichi...

"...Didn't I tell you I hate it when you're like this?"

"...Yeah."

"Then why're you doing it?"

"'Cause I love you."

"Hardly a reason."

"I know..." Shuuichi seemed so lifeless, and Eiri remembered the night Shuuichi had spent outside. Maybe his mind had been numbed... Had Shuuichi gone even stupider than he was originally?

Yellow eyes searched for his clock through the dark and found it to be 11:58. He sighed, stuck in a weird spot. His mind refused to let Shuuichi's pathetic attitude escape him, while guilt also overwhelmed him... The fact was, Eiri hadn't gotten Shuuichi anything for Christmas. That had been why he said he didn't "do Christmas", because he had never been sure of what to get him, and to help discourage Shuuichi of giving him a present when he had none to return. He scratched his head. "Dammit," he cursed, trying hard to shake all the confusing thoughts before finally giving out a frustrated breath and bending down to pick up the present from the floor. "If I open your gay little gift, will you be happy? Even though there's nothing inside?"

Hopeful violet eyes turned to him. "But Yuki... There is a gift there. And yes... I'd be happy. That can be... your gift to me. To just open it. To just accept it."

Eiri was a little surprised. Shuuichi blushed a little.

"I know you didn't get me anything... That's alright. I wasn't expecting anything, really."

Guilt struck him then. Shuuichi had been so adamant about giving a gift, a present from his heart and Eiri had done nothing in return, and even worse, left the boy outside two nights to freeze to death. And now Shuuichi was saying he hadn't even expected a gift from his lover?

...Eiri must've looked like such a bastard.. Well, more than usual. His boyfriend expected nothing of him in return... Eiri was very coldhearted, indeed.

Sighing and determined to at least give Shuuichi whatever of a present he could, even if it was just opening that dumb package, he sat down beside the boy and slowly opened the carefully wrapped paper. Shuuichi watched with an intense stare, readying himself, unsure of what dearest Yuki's reaction would be.

Eiri ripped the tape and opened the box... Nothing. There was nothing inside, just as he had expected. Not happy but also not disappointed, he waved the box in front of his lover "See? Nothing. What the hell kinda gift is this--"

He stopped as arms encircled his neck, hugging him tightly in a very warm embrace. Eiri sat a little stupefied at the childlike grasp the singer had on him, burying his face into the man's neck. And just over Shuuichi's mop of pink hair, Eiri could see the clock.

**DECEMBER 25. 12:00 AM.**

Closing his eyes for a brief moment, he held on a little longer, then sat back and stared at the blonde man, smiling. "Merry Christmas, Yuki." He slid off the bed and began walking towards the door, but before Eiri could think, his hand latched around the boy's wrist and quickly yanked him back to the bed. Shuuichi yelped, staring in surprise up at the man who was suddenly straddling him. "Y-Yuki?? L-Look, I'm sorry, it was a dumb idea--"

"Damn right it was dumb. You think I'm just gonna be satisfied with a little hug like that?" Eiri's eyes held that intense gaze they rarely did whenever the man turned serious... usually with his feelings towards the brat. His grip on the boy's wrists loosened in a gentle grasp. "Leave it to you to give me the most idiotic present ever."

...Shuuichi smiled. "Hey, you're the one who said you thought I was cute when I acted like an idiot."

"That's the point, brat." Eiri kissed him, long and full, ready to fully pay Shuuichi back for the best and most meaningful Christmas present he had ever recieved.

**DECEMBER 25. 1:34 PM.**

"Yuuuki! I think I'm pregnant!"

**DECEMBER 25 1:35 PM.**

Shuuichi dies from strangulation.

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Ze end.

* * *

AN: Oh my GOD, I thought I'd never get that finished! Some parts ended up being a little more dramatic than I meant for it to be, but overall, I'm pretty pleased. I got the general message in there, and that's all I care about... That and whatever humor I could manage. Actually, once I reread it... I totally didn't try on this one. If you read anything else of mine, you'll notice this has lack of detail and everything's pretty rushed. I'm sorry... I just wanted to get it done. FORGIVE MEEEE!

Like it? Hate it? Well it hates you too! (j/k, don't hurt me). Please, leave me a comment or two! I'd really appreciate them! Who knows? Review enough and I'll write a sequel about Eiri's Xmas present to Shuuichi. (winkwinknudgenudgehinthint).

Review a starving author. I love the taste of reviews.


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